Day 143 – A few steps away from the bedroom
I fear this dress is further evidence of the fact that at the moment I would like nothing else than to climb into bed and stay there. I drove all the way back home and I was clinging on to the steering wheel for dear life when I got back as I knew that it was the start of another week and I did not know how to get through it.
My friend had text me before I set off suggesting a drink or a walk and I felt so sure that I could do it at the time and yet pulling into the drive I knew that I couldn’t because what the hell kind of company am I at the moment. I text her and I told her this but because she is a good friend she came round anyway and wasn’t even too upset when I ended up crying all over her pretty dress.
I get into bed, way too early for a girl who is 26-years-old and in the prime of her life and I have a book with me about The Dalai Lama which another friend gave to me and I try to read it, I really do and I’m hoping it will help but I can’t get through the first pages without crying and then I hate myself because who the hell cries when they are confronted with the Dalai Lama, or a friend or a steering wheel.
I have an appointment with the shrink tomorrow and I will have to tell him that the latest attempt is not working and I am just waiting for the moment when the poor dear man turns to tell me that I am incurable and that there are no more tablets to try. I am so low that I am kind of hoping it will be soon, I don’t know how many more pills I can bare to pop.
- Today’s dress is a donation from the lovely Lara, I think that I have only one more from the huge bag of dresses she has donated and I will be sad when they have come to an end. They carried me through a particularly bad dress drought and though some of them will need a little work before they are sold, the occasional button sowing on or a hem restitching they are all beautiful, many of them vintage and all of them a little act of kindness.
