Day 147 – The present with a motive
I am a mess again today but I am trying hard not to dwell on it so I have filled the post with the happiest moment of the day. My friend gave me an idea to try at the end of the day to come up with good thoughts and this would be one of them so rather than focusing on the continuing fall lets look at the roll.
My sister came round this evening with my birthday present. I was a little surprised when she presented me with an oversized cardboard box from ebay as I had asked for vouchers but she was so excited I put aside my dreams of finding the perfect fragrance and ripped into the wrapping. Inside were a pair of second hand skates that may well have first been used in the sixties.
Ever since my sister started going to roller derby her brain has been brimming with thoughts of the sport. She has seen a film about it, attends regular practices where she is bounced around and falls willingly to the floor and spent the other evening skating round a park, in England. She has been determined to get me to come along and this I feel is a rather sinister attempt to get me back in the skates.
I am not usually one for hiding my feelings but it is such a sweet present and she is trying so hard to lift me that I put aside my fear of feet and slip on the skates. After a couple of rounds of the kitchen, assisted by her, I admit that it was indeed a good choice of present and promise to try harder to make it along to the practice. Perhaps it is being bruised on a regular basis and not bending like a tree that will give me the strength to make it through the week. Unfortunately the practices are on the Sunday and what with long distance relationships and trying to squeeze the last drop of the boy into every Sunday I fear I will not be able to make many. My sister is determined that I should enjoy her new found hobby however and suggests that we go to the park together instead. I start to cry because bless her heart she is trying her best to make me right and I can’t even cope with a present. I want to be better for her because she deserves a sister who is better and my mother who sits there through all of this, doing her best to keep me together deserves a better daughter. And it is all so sad and I just want them not to have to see me like this.
But the thought is the thought and the three thoughts of the day are not meant to be sad but happy so here they are. I have lovely roller skates, I have a lovely sister and I have a lovely mother. The problem with the happy thoughts is they make me sad to think that though this is the case I am still lying here, crying, and though they are all lovely and I have so many other good things in my life I feel far from happy and its horrid.
