Day 187 – The healing process that hurts
Though it can be an essential part of getting better there are times when counselling can be truly exhausting. There are days like today when one is already raw with all the sad at the surface where even the slightest probing can result in tears. After the wonderful fun of the festival this week has been hard work. I felt as though I was coming through it, stabilising and finding a happy medium yet this week once again I find myself flat. Perhaps I should just accept the lows as I do the highs but they are not so nice so this is harder than it sounds.
The one thing I find difficult about counselling generally is it raises the question of nature nurture. Was I born this way with a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode and leave me with this sickness or did it come about because of past events. I’m not sure but I don’t want to take any risks and I will be eternally grateful to my sister and mother for helping me to tackle this on both fronts. Hopefully one day I can leave all the past behind, stop worrying about the future and live in a now which is happy and healthy.Though it can be an essential part of getting better there are times when counselling can be truly exhausting. There are days like today when one is already raw with all the sad at the surface where even the slightest probing can result in tears. After the wonderful fun of the festival this week has been hard work. I felt as though I was coming through it, stabilising and finding a happy medium yet this week once again I find myself flat. Perhaps I should just accept the lows as I do the highs but they are not so nice so this is harder than it sounds.
The problem with counselling is that it tends to delve quite deep; all those memories that are a little to sore to be anywhere near the forefront of one’s mind get hooked up and pulled to the surface. Today was one of those days and though I was feeling a little low a few minutes in the tears came to the surface so unexpectedly that I was a little surprised myself when I noticed my face was wet. It is tiring extracting the past and seeing what affect it has on the future and by the time I have finished I am cream crackered and though it is still light outside when I get home I crawl into bed sleepy and longing for the salve of sleep.
The one thing I find difficult about counselling generally is it raises the question of nature nurture. Was I born this way with a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode and leave me with this sickness or did it come about because of past events. I’m not sure but I don’t want to take any risks and I will be eternally grateful to my sister and mother for helping me to tackle this on both fronts. Hopefully one day I can leave all the past behind, stop worrying about the future and live in a now which is happy and healthy.
Pete said,
July 25, 2010 at 11:39 pm
If one would like to read more about nature/nurture please discover Nature via Nature by Matt Ridley. As close as we will come to putting a great debate to bed!