Day 364 – The way back to work
I have missed so much during the last three months that I feel as though I might well have lived in a submarine or a wartime bunker. Usually I am a big follower of tweets and Facebook updates but with the depression came withdrawal and all of a sudden I find myself three months behind on the news.
This is not a good place to be for a journalist and with this in mind I was rather worried about my first day back at the Mail. There are more than 13 editions of the paper of which I have missed and while I have been away court kept happening, grasshoppers were found in a Sainsbury’s salad bag, awards were granted and documents kept on leaking about the Conservative council.
I need to go in slowly of this everyone has been clear but today it was almost like my first day again and there were times that I could not quite remember how to write. Feeling as flat as I do the inspiration does not come easy and picking up the phone to check in with a contact can feel like a big chore.
I am lucky however as I have so much support behind me that though the day was tiring I managed to make it through.
One thing that left me scared while I was sitting in my chair today staring at the screen was whether or not I will ever be able to write with confidence and creativity again. I am scared that the reason I could write was because I was high and fear that now I am being kept level all my skills will leave me. Did my introductions with alliteration and rhyme come from a place which thanks to the drugs I am on I will no longer be able to access? I do not know but I want it back, whatever it was that let me write without thinking.
