The Sun Breaks at the Beginning of a New Dawn
Reading it back my last post here seems a little final. Just a simple report of the project. The basic details of how much was made, who came to the after party and the ever essential thanks to all those who supported 365 Dresses: The Mind Project.
It was never meant to be a final post but at the time I felt I needed a break after a year of exposure and poorly head confessions for which I had only myself to blame.
There have been so many times since that last post that I have meant to write. So much has happened and yet so little. I have stayed well, out of hospital and at work. But yet I wasn’t writing and I wasn’t feeling quite ready to do so again.
As I write this there are two articles on my mind. One is in a national paper while the other is in the local paper for who I work. One article is about a world record holding athlete who I may well have fallen a little bit in love with and the other article is about me.
As the dawn breaks, and I think of people buying the Sun and the Harborough Mail and reading these articles I find myself fretting over whether they will ‘get it’.
It is my job as a journalist to convey meaning in a way that is clear but also to capture events important to the community. But it is not the article I have written about Jonathan Edwards bringing an Olympic buzz that I am most worried about. It is the article written about my blog and illness last year.
The journalist who has written it was sensitive, delicate and never once pushed me into doing it. She sent me over the rough draft consulted with the feature writer who I first told the story to in October last year but still I am worried. I know how different a story can look after subs are through with it, the difference a picture makes and above all the fact that once it rolls off the presses there is no going back.
The papers are both on sale but maybe now that the tale is told it can be a chance to begin to blog again. To say goodbye to the dress project but to return to writing, warbling and generally just waxing lyrical instead. The blog will not always be done every day and I cannot guarantee you it will make thousands for charity or feature mad dresses and tights but it is back and I hope you enjoy it.
sally ridge said,
November 10, 2011 at 10:56 am
Hi just read your article in the Sun newspaper, what a brave lady you are, through your pain bringing awareness of mental illness to the forfront. I suffer with agarophobia, and have weeks of being really confident and being able to cope with life, and going out in my comfort zone, then i have weeks where i just want to sleep, stay in bed, not go our at all, feel constantly sick, and horrid, and hate myself, very difficult when i have a 9 year old daughter to care for, thank goodness for my partner and older 2 children, but i wish it would be more talked about, i try to get help, but get-come to our sessiions, we can help–duhhh i can’t go out!!! Got some people hopefully coming to see me soon, to help. I wish you stability and happiness, from a mental health sufferer of a different kind.
Love and hope Sally xxx
lostinnotation said,
November 25, 2011 at 9:39 pm
Hi Sally, thanks very much that’s very kind of you to say. I ummed and ahed about doing the article in the Sun but reading a comment like yours makes me glad that I did. I have never experienced agaraphobia so cannot say I know what you’re going through but know that when I am low I feel very nervous about going out and seeing people generally, even good friends.
I am glad to hear that you have the support of your partner and children. it can be awful trying to deal with mental health problems alone and I think it can be invaluable to have people around you who can take you out of yourself, if only for a minute.
I felt personally that the more open I was about my illness the more supportive people were. There seems to be so much misunderstanding around mental illness and it can be so frustrating trying to ‘explain yourself’ particularly while feeling down.
I hope that the people who are coming to see you are helpful. Have you ever tried CBT, I don’t know whether it is something that is used to help with agoraphobia? Best wishes, Ellie
Danielle said,
November 10, 2011 at 7:18 pm
I have recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and a possible personality disorder with it, I’m 24 and have a 5year old I have just had my tablets stabilised and have been put on cymbalta, for the first time in a long time I feel like I have found myself again. I actually feel well and I’m sure you can relate to that! Many people are very ignorant to bipolar disorder and class people with it as mental and many people I have spoke to about it straight away say about stacy slater from eastenders I think more awarness should be made on this as it is a condition not a disease! I wish you all the luck and am pleased you are back on track x
lostinnotation said,
November 25, 2011 at 9:51 pm
Hi Danielle. It’s great to hear about someone with the condition who is doing well. I’ve never tied Cymbalta, does it have another name. I found that being diagnosed with it actually really helped me as it helped to explain a lot of past behaviour which had left friends family and most of all me rather puzzled. I used to find when I was first diagnosed that people thought if you had bipolar you were just like Kerry Katona. Although I think some of the stigma surrounding mental health has been reduced in recent years there is still a lot of room for improvement. Thanks for contacting me and again really glad you are doing well and feeling stable. I hope you don’t mind me asking but looking back is there a time or moment when you can start recognising that you were bipolar. I was diagnosed when I was 25 but looking back I think there were instances of bipolar behaviour right from childhood and then it was exacerbated after I went to University and struggled to settle in. Anyway, thanks again. Best wishes, Elinor
mary_strickland@hotmail.com said,
November 11, 2011 at 9:19 am
You have given me hope as i write this, i too suffer from this illness and was told lastnite that i was like a monkey, going to one man then another. i didnt realize how many have this and i need help but to me its always the same, take a pill for a bit then it feels like im in a cloud and my mood is just blah. so i get off of them then well im more confused than ever.
thank you
mary
lostinnotation said,
November 28, 2011 at 6:51 pm
You’re welcome. Keep trying you never recover completely from a mental illness but there are so many tools, people, charities and even many blogs out there that can all help you and your loved ones cope and live a ‘normal life’. I find it odd that I’ve written those words because looking back on 2010 and even 2011 there were times I genuinely believed I’d never smile again or that I’d never be able to have a reasonable conversation with someone without bursting into tears, but I did and I have and so believe me you’ll get right again to. All the best, Ellie
Selina said,
November 11, 2011 at 10:45 am
I have just seen your article in The Sun. Thank you for speaking so openly about your condition. I have always known that other people are suffering, but seeing it in print, in a paper read by my friends and family, takes away some of the stigma and anything that raises awareness is such a positive and welcome move.
lostinnotation said,
November 25, 2011 at 9:57 pm
Thank you Selina. It means a lot to know that it was helpful to someone. When I was first diagnosed I felt so alone and did the article and the blog because I remembered how great it was the first time that I met somebody who understood what I was going through. I am doing another project next year and will soon post details on the blog so keep a look out. Best wishes, Ellie
Cris said,
November 24, 2011 at 1:25 am
Hi just read your article in the Sun newspaper, what a brave lady you are, through your pain bringing awareness of mental illness to the forfront. I suffer with agarophobia, and have weeks of being really confident and being able to cope with life, and going out in my comfort zone, then i have weeks where i just want to sleep, stay in bed, not go our at all, feel constantly sick, and horrid, and hate myself, very difficult when i have a 9 year old daughter to care for, thank goodness for my partner and older 2 children, but i wish it would be more talked about, i try to get help, but get-come to our sessiions, we can help–duhhh i can’t go out!!! Got some people hopefully coming to see me soon, to help. I wish you stability and happiness, from a mental health sufferer of a different kind.
Love and hope Sally xxx
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