Day four – The lonely snapper
I am finding things tough at the moment. I am tearful and cry at everything from Come Dine With Me, don’t ask, to One Born Every Minute. I am seeing my CPN tomorrow and in many ways the visit feels long overdue. I do not know why I am feeling so down. Things are good, they really are but here I am sad and blue not really knowing what to do.
A visit to the CPN always helps because I get a chance to offload and work out a plan for how I’m going to deal with life generally. At the moment things are tricky because the boy is not here and my parents are in Ireland so I have far too much time alone with my thoughts.
The one thing that really sticks out is the moment is my lack of a regular photographer. When I did the 365 Dresses project my mum and the boy were regular snappers and it became part of the fun of the blog and made sure that even when I was down I still had to make the effort to smile. The boy is always full of advice about how smiling, even when you don’t feel like it, is great as it releases endorphins.
When he tells me this when all I want to do is run away and cry .I want to yell at him but I’m usually just to low to summon the strength to do so.
Today saw good progress in terms of footwear. Four days in I have mastered the art of these heels and no longer waddle but stride on my way to the office. Although I am getting the hang of the courts I could have hugged the estate agent when he offered me a lift to the second viewing. As soon as I got home I slipped my purple tights into my silky red slip on shoes and heard my toes breathe a sigh of relief.
The photos will be taken tomorrow as I am too low and too tired to put on a show, even in front of a mirror.
maxine said,
January 4, 2012 at 10:31 pm
Hi Ellie, I thought you were going to be ok for a while after your blog yesterday, what a difference a day makes eh! Im sorry that you are sad today, it must be difficult when your loved ones are away and all you really want is a cuddle. I feel your pain so much and you dont know day to day how you are going to be or what mood you will be in. I know you symptoms are alot more severe than mine, and mine differ in alot of ways too. Im not sure where you live or if you go to places to ease things at times. It is comforting in a funny kind of way to know that someone understands my complex head as it is in some ways similar. I live in East Dulwich and am on facebook and twitter. If you need a shoulder at any time or would like to message me, let me know and I will let you know my details. Until then Ellie I wish you a peaceful nights sleep and hope your meeting tomorrow makes you feel a little better. God bless.x
Neenie Noo said,
January 4, 2012 at 10:45 pm
Hang on in there – I guess we never know when it’s going to hit us. I know you’re missing your family but please don’t feel that you’re on your own; as hard as it may have been for you to muster the energy and enthusiasm to update your blog today we were here waiting to read it. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. xxx