Day 24 – Embracing the new
When I was a little girl and for even longer than that I resisted new things with vigor. My mother once tried to take me to an orchestra to help me embrace my skills as a flautist but I refused point-blank to go and even when she left to check it out I instead chose to sit on the pavement in the car park.
Things did not improve much as I grew older and every time I went to a new group or new lecture I felt the familiar dread and wished that I could hide at home instead.
What is strange is that when I am high I love new things. I will go to anything with anyone and will love every minute be it paintball, archery or even clay pigeon shooting. I embrace everything as an opportunity to meet new people and experience new things and have no fear at all.
This year I am determined that even if I am on a level, even if I am depressed, I will seek to embrace change and try new things. A few weeks ago Jon Pollard, a Harborough blogger sent out a tweet about a book club that would meet in a pub. Aha! I thought. This could be my chance to try something new again.
I cannot pretend that I didn’t resist at first. I had a busy day at work and the club was on my mind all day namely in the form of excuses I could use to get out of it. Although I finished work late and had the perfect excuse not to go I remembered my resolution and set off to the pub with a grave face.
All of the familiar feelings arose as I set off. Maybe there would be nobody there, perhaps I had the wrong date, maybe I’d get drunk and embarrass myself or maybe they’d all realise I was a crazy and not even want me in their normal people group. All perfectly rational thinking you understand.
When I arrived as I feared there was nobody there and I took shelter in my phone while I wondered what to do. Luckily however, before I’d had a chance to make haste and do a runner the leader of the group spotted me and welcomed me over. Everyone seemed nice and friendly and there was no immediate question on my sanity.
We managed to get a separate room so there felt less pressure to drink and with the music turned off we got to work on the book. There were introductions that were largely initiated by me as I love them; I am afraid of new things but never afraid to speak out.
There are to be it seems no rules to the book club and the conversation as such flows nicely with diversions about films, travels and how we all came to live in Harborough. There are people from Leeds, London and even as far away as Melton Mowbray. It feels like rather a jolly little group and my fears about getting far too tipsy are reassured when a man says he does not drink. There is something about this that makes it feel okay that I only have a glass of wine rather than a bottle.
The book that has been chosen for us to read is Bill Bryson, At Home and considering that I am soon to have a home I am excited. The reason I wanted to join a book club is because although I studied English and American Literature at University I’ve never discussed a book purely for pleasure and it seems that a book club is the place to do this.
It would seem from tonight that embracing the new is a good thing to do. Even though I am worrying about mortgages and weight issues all of these worries are taken away for two hours of my day and it feels great to be in a club and not have hidden in a car park to escape it. Progress indeed!
