Depression is a funny thing. One day it can consume you to the point that you think life is no longer worth living and then the next day it lifts and you are left wondering what all that fuss was about. Yesterday I thought I had hit into a downward spiral and I was on the verge of starting back on the Fluoxetine to try to control it. Today though, relatively speaking I have been fine. I have laughed and joked and although I don’t feel completely well it seems to have faded.
To me this is a lesson that no matter how hard things get I must keep on trying. I was at the stage where I thought I was no longer able to do my job, should give up on the idea of ever living alone and was generally just a being that should be left out with the rubbish. If I had allowed this train of thought to take over completely I don’t suppose it would have been very long before I reached the stage where suicide was a real option.
It is dangerous thinking that descends upon me when I get depressed and it is something that I am hoping this course I am due to start on Thursday will help me to deal with and prevent it from getting to a more sinister stage. I am understandably nervous about it as I have found in the past that therapies can actually cause me to descend into a depression and with all the stresses of buying a house I simply cannot afford to let it consume me.
I am trying hard to keep it at bay and hopefully I will manage to but there are days that are easier than others and thankfully today was one of those days.