One of the more unusual manifestations of the mania I experience is my sudden desire to become a culinary queen. As my mania tends to coincide with my insomnia most of my meal making is done during the early hours of the morning.
Four years ago, long before the bipolar label I was living with two of my boy pals and struggling as always to sleep. One night, long after the witching hour I found myself possessed by a burning desire to make pesto. Armed with Jamie’s bible I set about smashing up pine-nuts with the pestle and mortar I had forgotten I had. Two hours later, as the sun began to rise I finally found myself ready for a nap. Leaving the mess behind I trotted off to bed. My poor house-mates entered the kitchen soon after to find the kitchen in a state, the sides smeared with a strange smelling green liquid and our baby basil plant pillaged of its every leaf.
On other occasions I have baked cakes, cooked off kilos of lentils and made a dozen freezer meals, just in case. Most of the time I act on auto pilot and though the food usually tastes great I have no real idea of how it was made, and sometimes question whether it really was me who made it. In the past I would ignore such impulses and try to just get through the night by praying for sleep. It never worked. I just became anxious, stayed awake for just as long and had nothing to eat the following night.
- Today’s dress is on loan from my Fairy God Mother. It is originally from Laura Ashley and feels very prim and proper. My sisters and I used to love Little House on the Prairie and this dress reminds me of something one of the sisters would wear.